CREATION OF GOD God created the donkey and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. .................................................................... God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. " God granted his wish. .................................................................... God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. .................................................................... Finally God created man and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. " God granted man's wish .................................................................... And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. That's Life. Is'nt it?

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!". The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years

___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD : H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE : Me! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE : I is... TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; __________________________________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD : A teacher.

patient1: antha doctor poliyan doctornu ninaikiraen.

patient2: yeppadi...?

patient1: marunthu sheetla marunthu pear elutharathuku spelling kaetkiraaar,

patient2: ...........?

Call on an Expert

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said “You must be an expert!” The man replied, “No sir I'm just a tax collector.”

1.I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .

2.Life without you is impossible You are in my breath, You are in my blood, Can't stay for a second without you, If you are not there I'll dead. Hello, I'm talking about OXYGEN, not you.

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT

Sardar gives up.

SCROLL DOWN.......










If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....

On behalf of,
Manmohan Singh, PM, India.

How to recharge ur mobile for free : secret revealed

Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process

Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how technology can be used to make technicians fool.

I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend is B.Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai, teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all of you.

Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:

Applicable for ORANGE (HUTCH), AIRTEL, SPICE & BSNL users only ,sorry for idea, BPL and Reliance users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal in this world. But then who cares. Don’t worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying.

You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month as the network system is under upgrade.

1.) ** Dial - 1415007 - using your h/phone and wait for 5 second

2.) ** after 5 second, you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV when the station is finished)

3.) ** Once the noise stop, immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone number

4.) ** A recorded message - please insert your pin number - will follow

5.) ** punch in the pin number - 011785 45227 00734 - and wait for the operator finish repeating the above pin number.

6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat, dial - 0405-for AIRTEL, 404 -for ORANGE (HUTCH) - . 403 -for BSNL

7.) ** you will hear a message - for air time top-up press 1723 - you just have to follow the instructions.

8.) ** After you follow the instruction, the noisy sound will re-appear for about 5 second.

9.) ** once the noise stop, dial - 4455147 - follow by - 146 -.

10.) ** after about 5 second, dial - 1918 - after 3 second dial - 4451-.

11.) ** after you done that, punch in the serial number -01174452271145527 - you will hear dial tone.

12.) ** once the dialing tone stop, dial - 55524785933 - you will hear - please key in your password

13.) ** the password is - **** 2+253+7891*+546322 - wait for the message - your password accepted.

14.) ** you will hear - please insert your emei number - now you have to be fast to dial your own h/phone number.

15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone, when the call is answered, dial -1566- and you will hear -re-confirm emery number.

16.) ** once you hear that message, dial - 6011556 2245334 follow by your h/phone number.

17.) ** after a while, you will hear a message your pin number is accepted you have to dial - 1007 .

18.) ** after you done that you will hear - your emery number is accepted.

19.) ** continue dial - 4566 - you will hear - your password is accepted.

20.) ** once the second message finish, immediately dial your own h/phone number.

21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying ..

NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, . SO, GET BACK TO WORK AND DON’T WASTE TIME !!

Dont search 4 me to kill me, I’m busy hunting down the one who sent me.

Questions:-

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt (am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (Weird)

2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (To be given a thought)

3. What is the speed of darkness? (Absurd)

4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (Very good thinking)

5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (Who Knows?)

6 .Can you cry under water? (Let me try)

7. Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)

8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (Let me ask and tell)

10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (By ones eyes)

11. What does OK actually mean? (OK)

12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (Tonight I will stay and watch)

13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (Seed)

14. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)

15. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (Can somebody help?)

16. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (Yes u can)

17. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (Strange isntit)

18. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (Got to think scientifically)

19. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a chance to try)

20. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (Very nice)

21. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (This is nice)

22. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (Break the law)

These are answers, some students have written in their exams...

Define Vibration.

* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

What are tides?

* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Explain the importance of breathing for metabolism.

* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

How are fossil fuels and other natural resources formed?

* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

What are clouds?

* Clouds are high flying fogs.

How are clouds formed? Explain the processes of it.

* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. This is the only process it does.

Why is Cyanide considered deadly poisonous?

* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

What is Thunder?

* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Explain the chemical composition of water.

* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

What are the chemicals, H2O and CO2 which living things need for everyday living?

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

What are the three kinds of blood vessels?

* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

How is Dew formed?

* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

Explain in detail about the human body.

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u."

Where is alimentary canal located?

* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ."

What is Equator?

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa ."

Define Germination.

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

Suggest any 2 ways to keep milk from turning sour.

* To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow. This is the best way.

(edited by shakeel)